Posted in Mental health

INFP, and other things

Oh, it’s been too long since I’ve written.  I feel as though I’ve gone from one kind of busy to another.  It used to be that we’d get ourselves packed up, dressed, and ready to go nearly every morning, and rush off to school, work, preschool, church, or whatever we had planned for the day.  Now, I stay home with my two boys, make sure my eldest does his school work, and try to prevent the two of them from fighting too much.  I focus on keeping them meaningfully engaged throughout the day and squeeze in as much housework or cooking as I can.  Honestly, I prefer this type of ‘busy’ to the former.  Being a recluse comes easily to me.  It has actually gotten me thinking about how I could change my lifestyle when this is (God willing) all over.  The irony, for me, was that when the pandemic cleared my schedule, I found myself breathing great sighs of relief.  (Perhaps I have been over-committing?)  I think it’s silly that it took a pandemic for me to realize that.

Many people are familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality test.  I am INFP, leaning very heavily toward the introverted end of the spectrum (above the ninetieth percentile).  “Notoriously difficult to get to know,” according to one description of INFP that I read.  Although I enjoy people and can always see good in them, being with others (and especially in groups) is exhausting for me.  Sometimes I feel that the rest of the world moves too fast.  They talk fast, they walk fast, they do everything so darn fast.  Social media, especially Facebook, move at the speed of light.  I feel barraged by information, words, and images, constantly, without the time to process or think deeply about everything, the way that I would like to.  This is why, at the end of each day, I shut myself into the bathroom and run a hot bath.  Did you see that episode of “Stranger Things,” where they used a bathtub as a sensory deprivation tank?  That’s what it is like for me.

Once, at a group I attend at my church, we were sharing around the table, as we often do.  A couple of very deep questions were asked by the pastor, and we were supposed to take turns answering them.  A lump formed in my throat immediately and my head swirled with thoughts.  Did I have answers for those questions?  Well, how long have you got?  I could write a book on each one.  I glanced at the clock, and looked around the table.  A handful more people to share after me.  Only about 15 minutes of sharing time left.  That would leave me with 2, maybe 3 minutes, to say my piece.  I thought about the other ladies.  They barely knew me.  Even the ones who have known me for years…how could I make them understand?  I blinked back my tears, and drew a breath.  “I think I’ll pass,” I said, “those are very big questions.”  Yup…notoriously difficult, to get to know.

Having this personality comes with its baggage.  It’s not that we don’t want to be known.  We do.  And, we see the easy closeness that other people share, and we envy them.  We feel the pain of exclusion when not invited…but, we understand.  It’s not their fault, it’s not ours.  It just is.

Having this personality also comes with its delights.  The tiny things of life bring great joy.  The sunrise, or the sunset.  A cup of tea.  The laughter of children.  A piece of art.  The sun on my face.  The world is rich, beyond belief.

And here, on my blog, I can share thoughts as slowly as I want.  Those who want to, will read them, while those who move at a faster pace, can breeze on by.

I’m sorry for my unexplained absence.  I’ve missed reading your posts too, especially those with whom I used to interact with regularly.  I think I have brain space to blog again, but my posts may not look like they used to.  I may give up on sticking to a schedule, or a particular type of content.  My posts won’t be edited or curated as carefully anymore, I don’t think.  It’s too much of a burden right now.  These days I need to write as my children talk to me almost constantly, and I need to stop every minute or two to tend to something.  So, the blog will be whatever it will be.

But, I need my blog!  I need my pen pals!

I will try to visit your blogs in the near future too.  Please feel free to comment below; how is everyone doing these days?  I would love to hear from you!

Warm wishes,

Lisa

Author:

Hi, I'm Lisa, a born-and-bred-in-Manitoba mom of 2 boys. Having lived in 7 different Manitoba towns or cities, I've managed to stay warm in them all 😜❄. I am trained as a music therapist but currently work as a fulltime stay-at-home-mom by day, and a piano teacher in the evenings. By night, well...I sleep. Usually.

23 thoughts on “INFP, and other things

  1. I’m so sorry. At first I thought us all being in this together was a comforting thought. But now, the thought of everyone feeling this way absolutely breaks my heart. We will get through this… but yesterday and today were day’s full of tears for me. I wished there was someone who would check in with me. I wished that I could just have someone listen, but I have no clue what I’d even say. I understand.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. Yes, I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to people is to really listen. We are often too much in a hurry to do this. I’m guilty of this too. And maybe we feel awkward receiving this gift when others truly want to give it to us. Like we don’t want to waste their time.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Must have been something about yesterday? I cried all day for the same reason. But, hey, Dawn – just checking in on you! How are you? I’m here to listen I’d you need to chat. There is even a contact form on my blog 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hey Lisa, you can call me Heather 😊 And thanks. I’m doing great and yet deeply sad all at once. Good because Ryan owns an internet company and you can imagine that our business is booming right now, good because I have an amazing family and everything I need. Sad because of all the change and disappointments. The loss. It’s just a shock to take in, how a society can go from everyone smiling and chatting in the grocery store, to people with solemn expressions standing as far away as possible. The connection that makes us human has become obsolete in just a couple of weeks, it is enough to make one who struggles with depression have some very dark thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh no! I know you’re name is Heather! Why did I write Dawn? I must have blanked out and glanced at your last name (or middle) because I know you are Heather! So sorry about that! I’m really baffled at what I did, but at the same time..my brain is shot right now. I’m calling my kids the names of the pets at this point.

        And I agree with all you’ve said. I’ve been fighting hard against those dark thoughts. I’ve been locked up in my house without a car for almost a month now (tacking on this quarantine) so I haven’t witnessed some of what is going on out there and I don’t want to. We have to move our house this week and the governor just issued a stay at home order so … not sure what to do. Praying healing and comfort over the depression because, believe me, I get it and I’ve been crying all week from it.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Ha! No big deal! It’s my middle name 🙂 I think everyone is in a fog these days 😜… and thanks for your prayers and for your response! Locked up without a car for a month? That sounds SO hard! Praying that all goes well with your move and that you have wisdom for each decision ahead!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I was just wondering what was up with you. I feel very similar. this part: ’It’s not that we don’t want to be known. We do. And, we see the easy closeness that other people share, and we envy them. We feel the pain of exclusion when not invited…but, we understand. It’s not their fault, it’s not ours. It just is.”

    I don’t know, though, I usually feel it is my fault. I used to feel it was there’s. Now it’s all on me. Only one friend of mine has checked on me in over a year…and by checking I mean sent a text or called or …anything. I haven’t got a clue what’s going on with them because they pretty much ignore me and have never asked if I’m even alive.

    I sound pathetic and it’s depressing but it’s how life has been for years so I’ve really gotten used to it. This whole social distancing thing? It’s like welcoming the rest of the world to my everyday life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The feeling of invisibility…yes…I know, sometimes I feel like it’s my fault too. I should do more, I should reach out more. Others do it so naturally. But even when I try to I still seem to blend into the background somehow. Prayer is my life line because I know the Lord always sees and favors me.

      About the social distancing…yes…in a way I feel like I can’t keep up with the socializing of others. I can’t do as much as they do, but I feel like I should for some reason. Now it’s almost as if the playing field is levelled…is that a weird or mean thing to say? I don’t know. It’s just how I feel.

      Ya I’m sorry for disappearing. I’ve just felt like I was drowning in life and didn’t have energy to blog. 😂🥵

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I can completely relate to feeling like I’m drowning in life. I think the blogging is a lifeline for me because it helps me focus on something other than life…that’s probably why I’ve been sharing so much rambling posts about nothing and fiction lately. 😉

        And yes, “even when I try I still seem to blend into the background somehow…” that is so my life.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I used to think of blogging as a place to create something that people would want to read, but I’m starting to think of it as having several “pen pals.”. I like that better! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Lisa! I’m happy to read your words again. I am INFP as well. I like it. I enjoy being around certain people. I also enjoy and love alone time. I need and welcome time on my own. I enjoy my company.

    I pray to God the virus will pass soon. I also hope and pray we will have learned valuable lessons about life once COVID-19 become a part of history. I have sorrow for the people stricken with the virus and those who have died. I feel for their families. On the other hand, our societies could do well with slowing things down. Our perceived sophistication and progressive boasting is showing it is weak and fleeting. God is not taken by surprise by the Coronavirus at all. In this fact we can have peace.

    I also, am in no hurry to post perfect looking mesages on my blog, Scarred Joy. I do have things I want to say, however.

    I will soon be in my third week of self-isolation due to being “at risk.” My wife and I only go for walks with our poodle, Charlie. We miss being with our children and grands. This too shall pass, however. The virus will not win.

    Be safe, my friend. Love your family, friends, and God. You are not alone.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Such wise words, Alan! I agree wholeheartedly. Especially the part about our perceived sophistication being fleeting.

      You are INFP too! Very neat! Samers!

      Stay safe as well. I wish you the best and it’s great to hear from you! I will look for your next posts whenever you are ready to share them. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I can relate to you and everyone here commenting. Thank you for coming back to blog no mater what you have to write about or say in life, remember that every word you share is important. These are strange times and very upsetting and everyone has their own way to get through it. I love my quiet times. Stay safe out there. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Have a beautiful weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’ve never thought of the bath as a sensory deprivation tank before, but it makes sense thinking about it in that way – for me at least. Sensoory overwhelm is real, and I love a long bath to reset. I don’t find social media as overwhelming because I’m in control of how much I consume and when. Big groups of people can be tough though – even online. I’m stil working, something that I’m really grateful for because I know many people aren’t able to right now. I work from home, so it’s safe. But I’ve noticed so many “let’s keep in touch online” things springing up and I got to the point where I knew I needed to start turning some down. I did that this week and feel much better for it! 🙂
    I hope you and your family have a good weekend. Thanks for writing such a relatable post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And thank you for sharing your thoughts! It’s great that you can be on social media without becoming consumed by it. Some of us are better at that than others. 😉 Have a great weekend too, I hope!

      Like

  6. I’m an INFP as well, although much more extroverted than some INFPs. But what you shared about finding joy in the little things- yes! I can get so excited about the smallest things, which doesn’t make sense to some people, but it’s definitely one of the perks of being an INFP.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! So glad you could identify. I’m always amazed at how different people of the same personality “type” still are. My sister is also INFP, but I totally had her pegged as something completely different before she took the test! We are not made with cookie cutters, that’s for sure.

      Like

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